"Justifiable Child Endangerment" says County Judge.
Three minors, all brothers, were found Thursday duct taped to a pine tree in rural Minnesota. Authorities have detained a charming, talented woman they claim as their mother - though she denies any mutual genetic material - as their primary suspect. She was found in the boys' home hanging upside down cleaning the chest freezer which appeared to have been left open for an undetermined amount of time with 2/3 of the contents (including a stash of Breyer's ice cream snagged on super sale price) scattered across the floor and a pint of frozen cranberries scattered throughout the frozen goods left in the freezer. Several gallons of fresh strawberries were found in the kitchen, apparently left by the suspect in mid-cleaning for a jam making project.
"The neighbor came to get us for a job and I guess we just forgot we had left all that stuff out on the floor." said the oldest of the brothers.
The youngest of the boys was heard saying, "I told her there wasn't any rhubarb left in there from last year!"
"Oh, brother," was the only comment from the third child.
A judge has reviewed the evidence and the suspect is expected to be released without charges. She is being detained in the local county jail where she has refused contact with court appointed attorney services and is reportedly napping.
"We may have some trouble getting her to leave," states county sheriff. "She refers to the cell as a retreat center with room service."
The above news story was written by my friend SarahK after sending her boys out to the freezer to look for rhubarb and later discovering thawed food all over the floor and the freezer door open. I'm very impressed with her self-control. Although, if the nap spoken of, had been a sure bet... I'm not so sure she could have resisted.
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